apo @ 90

My lolo succumbed to cancer and heart ailment at 90 and offering his last breath last September 1.
My father was hysterical on the phone when I called him at the office as soon as I received a text message from my mom that lolo is gone.
I was just talking about my lolo that day with francis and our plan to go to ilocos on friday.

Lolo was a US veteran guerilla during WWII.
He fought against the Japanese.
The same bloodline that tortures me in the office .
He left 8 kids, 32 grandchildren, 22 great grandchildren and 2 great great grandchildren.
wheehhh...

My lolo is half mestizo .. making me 1/8 mestizo???
He was "bastardo". My great grandfather *** his surname: Domrique*** had many concubines. He did not marry my great grandmother. So my great grandmother decided to use her surname for my late lolo. So *** BOLO*** is my greatgrandmother's name.

I attended the mass presided by Fr. June whose sermon takes 45 mins to 1hr.
He emphasized among many other things that life is something borrowed.
He prefers stating "Binawian ng buhay" rather saying

"Namayapa na.." ---
"Sumakabilang buhay..." ---
"Namatay na.." - - -
"Nawalan ng hininga..." etc.

Life on earth is not permanent.
It has to end sooner or later.
We owe this to the creator.
That's why every second counts.
Seize the day..

At least that's what catholic believes in.

My grandfather is in heaven they say..
I would rather put it that my grandfather is with my grandmother.
His mortal body was placed on the side of the "lungon" of lola.
Actually when lola died, he already asked for the construction of his own lungon.
Being pragmatic and "laging handa", this was surely a lesson to learn.

We have to prepare for death.
Both spiritually and financially.
Losing someone is too much of a burden.
And asking too much of the people left behind too arrange your wake is a sign of irresponsibility
and cowardice.

I'm afraid more of dying not because I see myself eaten by worms but because people left would
be unprepared when I'm gone.

***
Actually when I was ten or so, I cried on my bed because I'm afraid to die.
I'm afraid that my body would be decompose and be part of the nitrogen and carbon cycle.
***

I thought my tears are too shallow and easily moved by emotions.

A telenovela would make me cry.
People who resigns in the office would make me cry.
Even the person that I miss terribly would make me cry.

But I wonder why on the wake of lolo, a tear of mine not shed?
Is this because I expect old people to die or because I know that dying
is not the end, rather a beginning.