pre midlife crisis

Making a blog is excruciating because sometimes our mind and heart works at the same time.
It is not in sync with every word that runs to our finger that tik taks on my keyboard.
I remember a movie that reminds that we do our first draft by letting our emotions and thoughts run through like water and proof read it afterwards.

I dont know if how magical it would be but sometimes it works.
The mere concentration and or guidance by some sort of energy creates if not a masterpiece, a work so honest and real.

This week I am having a "pre midlife crisis". I am not sure if psychologists agree on this term.
I am in a relationship right now which is under a state of orgasmic bliss.
That I am so happy inspite of difficulties on my work/career.
Maybe its a law of equilibrium that takes place.
"cant have it all"
The inequalities of two equates to a balance of force that makes my feelings unsteady and irreversible.

The pressure of having a stable and financially sound job is unbearable.
I cant blame however to external force because this isn't the natural way rational being do it.
It's how I react to the forces that makes me imbalance.
If all the punches of life would absorbed, the energy of it would dissipate.
My heart and my soul should not be strong or stiff rather it should me flexible and sensitive.

I believe on the power of the omnipotent being.
I believe the existence of the nothing that came from nothingness.
I believe that fate; that life is maha/mystery.
That this is just a dream and all the difficulties would be gone...
When I'm sedated by fate and destiny.
I will just run through again, check the spelling or grammar.
I wont be perfect. dont expect..